Plus Size Fashion and Far Flung Facts

LIVING THE WARRIOR’S LIFE

2006-06-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

Society’s blatant expressions of stereotyping, negativity, hatred, and open disparagement of people of size is the last acceptable form of bigotry. If you replaced the word “fat” or “obese” in people’s commentary and jokes with the word “black” or “short,” there would be public outcry. Why people think it is okay to put large people down and denigrate us escapes me, as if we have no feelings and or are not capable of understanding the insults being thrown. What I do know is that we are responsible for our behavior; they are responsible for theirs. Our job is to do what we must to keep ourselves healthy and strong, feeling empowered, safe, and robust.

It might be said that being a plus size woman requires a special brand of courage, one where just to be brave in the face of the continuous onslaught of bigotry and hatred is a warrior’s act. Like the cowardly lion, we sometimes think we don’t have enough courage to face it all again and still love ourselves, because for the plus size woman, loving herself is a private act of courage moment-by-moment.

It takes a lot of stamina to maintain that kind of courage day in and day out. It takes the endurance of a warrior. We get that endurance, that stamina, from self-care and comfort. When we renew ourselves, each and every day consciously renew ourselves, we pay attention to the most basic and elemental part of ourselves, our bodies and our spirits.

When we are renewed, we are full. When we are full, we are available for the rest of our lives. That is why making self-care and comfort a top priority is so very important to a life of mastery.

Renew yourself today!
Dr. Beata

Is it my imagination?

2006-05-10T16:06:00.000-07:00

Ladies...

I'm feeling pretty inundated lately by all the media about obese children, all the fear hype about health, and the negative social commentary that seems to be increasing in intensity and frequency as time goes on. Am I losing my mind, or is it getting louder, more obnoxious, and more blatently hateful and judgemental?

Last week I was in LA working, as usual. Driving near LAX, there was a billboard with a picture of John Candy smiling. Beautiful. The billboard said, "IT WASN'T ALL HIS FAULT..." and is an ad for medical treatment of addiction. How sad, using the image of a beautiful man to denigrate his life. I think it diminishes him, and us.

What do you think?

Dr. Beata

The many mes in my closet...

2006-04-29T16:52:00.000-07:00

Can't figure out how to comment on my own blog...so am publishing a new post to get in on the conversation.

What I'm hearing you say is "to each her own." Every woman finds her own style and it is a personal matter. But what of fad? Trend? The latest thing? Don't we want that, too?

Style is ever-changing, even within each individual woman. Look in your closet, ladies. Is there just one style there? Aren't there many different possible "yous" in there? So, one time you want the sexy, curvy top with jeans you can feel all the way down. Then another time (maybe even the same day), you want the long, flowing top that covers all those places and straight-leg pants to deemphasize those hips. Many potential yous.

Working to accomodate all your yous is what we do at Big on Style. If you think of our store as your closet, you can imagine a 1000 square foot walk-in for Santa Cruz county and beyond. That's a lot of women sharing the closet, and as big as 1000 square feet sounds, you can imagine it is no small challenge to have something in that closet for everyone. But that's what we try to do. We want you to be able to find your personal style, and the many variations of that style, and live comfortably and beautifully ever after.

I'd like to hear your thoughts about the yous you find in your closet. Are there any you wish were there but find missing? Any looks or feels you long for in your clothes but don't find there? As far as you are concerned, what is missing in the generously sized market? Anything you especially like? Any new goings on we should all know about in your fashion world?

Thanks for making this a conversation.
Dr. Beata

Flaunt What You've Got!

2006-04-26T06:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's taken me several months to make this post, admittedly too long.

I'd like to start a conversation with you about new trends in plus size clothing. Some new things seem to be happening, and you might be able to shed light on whether my perceptions are accurate.

What I am seeing is that plus size women today want to show more of their curves than ever before. I am sensing a new body pride, an exciting trend toward more tailored clothes, more form-fitting apparel that shows off what a woman has rather than trying to hide her shape.

This development, if my perceptions are accurate, is thrilling to us at Big on Style. It signals to us a new body pride, a developing love of self in our customers. Ladies, we are beautiful and the world should know that! The standard of beauty in our society needs to broaden to include all kinds of bodies, all kinds of beauty.

Do you agree that this trend is happening? Are you part of this trend? How do you feel about clothing that shows your beautiful curves? Are you looking for more of that now? We'd love to converse with you about this...let us know what you think.

Meanwhile...flaunt what you've got!
Dr. Beata

Feminine and Masculine

2006-01-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

I've been wandering through some of the wrtings of Charlotte Perkins Gilman lately. She was a very interesting writer and, for her age, way out there! Talk about far flung!

In the introduction to Gilman's book "Herland," Ann J. Lane writes that Gilman believed that, "What we call masculine traits are simply human traits, which have been denied to women and are thereby assumed to belong to men: traits such as courage, strength, creativity, generosity, and integrity."

We've all seen the comparisons of "masculine" and "feminine" acceptability that show, "He is assertive, she is aggressive; he is strong, she is overpowering, and so forth. Culture decides what traits are acceptable for whom and what behaviors will be tolerated or rewarded in men and women. "The most important fact about the sexes, men and women, is the common humanity we share, not the differences that distinguish us, Gilman said repeatedly."

Isn't that the truth of the matter? We find so many ways to divide each other, to emphasize our differences, partly because the human mind seeks interest, and difference is interesting. But if we instead emphasize our sameness...focus on them majority of ways in which we are similar... we might find common ground. And if we found common ground, allowing each other the full array of expression of personal traits, we would be downright dangerous to the status quo.

This morning on the Today Show, it was said that a new poll was done showing that people's attitudes toward fat people are changing. It said that in the last poll of 1995, 55% of people responding said they find fat people less attractive. In 2005, that percentage fell to 27%. That's pretty good. Maybe we should celebrate.

Beata

Weightism

2005-12-28T19:15:00.000-08:00

I've been reading a book that has taken me in some unexpected directions. The book is The Solution by Laurel Mellin. In it, she talks extensively about weightism, which she defines as holding prejudices based solely on weight. That is, one has weightest thoughts if one sees someone who is large and immediately thinks that person is lazy. That's an obvious example, but of course it is usually much more subtle.

The most subtle form of weightism is the weightism we hold against ourselves. This is what Laruel Mellin advocates eliminating. We may not be able to singlehandedly cause the world to drop its weightism, but we can certainly work to eliminate our own. And in the process, we gain self-respect, self-esteem, and self-love. What's to lose?

So, here's what Mellin says:

"The differences between pencil-thin and more robust people are small in inconsequential, yet they've been distorted beyond reason in our culture because of two cultural obsessions: control and perfection. It's the fear in others of losing control and being imperfect that fans the flames of weightism. It is fear, not reality. For there are hundreds of studies comparing lean and overweight people and they show very small differences between the groups. What is the trugh about people with weight problems? The facts:

"On average, people with weight problems don't eat significantly more calories or burn off any fewer calories from exercise than normal-weight people.

"The subtle differences in eating patters and activity levels between overweight and lean people--overweight people eat more fat and exercise less intensely--are not moral or ethical issues.

"Weight has no effect whatsoever on a person's ability to take on the important roles in life: to be a good friend, a good parent, a good worker, or a good citizen."

We knew that. But I like the fact that Laurel Mellin addresses it head-on. The most interesting thing she says here, I think, is that it is fear in others of losing control or being imperfect that fuels the fan of weightism. That's probably what fuels our own weightism, too. And then there is plenty of support for us to hold the common view.

But we must drop our weightism. We must lose it. We must think uncommon thoughts--that we are beautiful, lovable, and complete just as we are. We must give ourselves what our society cannot--approval, love, acceptance, and nurturing. And unfortunately, we probably need to abandon any expectations that our culture will join us in doing so.

Keep telling yourself the truth. Tell yourself what you would tell a hurt child or your best friend if they were hurt by something someone said about them. Fight back! We owe it to ourselves.

Only beauty seen here-
Beata

Quote for the Week

2005-12-20T22:35:00.000-08:00

I especially love this quote...

"What you fill your mind with, your life is full of." -Jacquelyn Aldana, author of The Fifteen Minute Miracle

"So," she advises, "be sure to fill your mind with only the things you really want."

Let's do it!
Dr. Beata

Farewell to Aunt Kitten

2005-12-18T04:40:00.000-08:00

My Aunt Kitten died unexpectedly on Tuesday. She was the single most compassionate, kind, gentle, and authentic person I have ever known. She was selfless and seemed to have a bottomless capacity for acceptance of others. The constant stream of wayward souls who showed up at her doorstep are a testament to that, not one ever turned away without a full stomach and a full heart. Some of the more than 200 mourners at her funeral were just those souls.

My Aunt Kitten lived a simple life. She and her husband of 45 years worked every day of their lives. Yesterday at her funeral he remarked that she could make a home out of anywhere they lived. Not a week ago they had danced a waltz together and the song was played at the funeral. He held her hand through the whole thing, standing by the casket.

These people inspire me. Their love and devotion is an inspiration to all of us.

I will miss my Aunt Kitten deeply. I will think of her daily. I will aspire to emulate a tiny fraction of her way in the world. And I have the good great fortune of having been one of "hers," of the many"honeys" and "dears" she left in my ears. Fat or thin, rich or poor, stranger or friend, sinner or saint and all in between, I will remember her undaunted goodwill toward all. Love for her was not based on what you did or how you looked, it was given freely and in advance. She loved us the way we ought to love ourselves.

Goodbye, Aunt Kitten.

Beata

Achieve and Enjoy!

2005-12-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

Here is a great little article on balance in life...what it is and how to know when you have it. Seems like something we can all take a few minutes to consider...

Work-Life Balance Defined - What it really means!

Despite the worldwide quest for Work-Life Balance, very few have found an acceptable definition of the concept. Here's a proven definition that will positively impact your everyday value and balance starting today. (Average reading time 120 seconds).

Let's first define what work-life balance is not.

Work-Life Balance does not mean an equal balance. Trying to schedule an equal number of hours for each of your various work and personal activities is usually unrewarding and unrealistic. Life is and should be more fluid than that.Your best individual work-life balance will vary over time, often on a daily basis. The right balance for you today will probably be different for you tomorrow. The right balance for you when you are single will be different when you marry, or if you have children; when you start a new career versus when you are nearing retirement.

There is no perfect, one-size fits all, balance you should be striving for. The best work-life balance is different for each of us because we all have different priorities and different lives.

However, at the core of an effective work-life balance definition are two key everyday concepts that are relevant to each of us. They are daily Achievement and Enjoyment, ideas almost deceptive in their simplicity.Engraining a fuller meaning of these two concepts takes us most of the way to defining a positive Work-Life Balance. Achievement and Enjoyment answer the big question "Why?" Why do you want a better income…a new house…the kids through college…to do a good job today…to come to work at all?

Most of us already have a good grasp on the meaning of Achievement. But let's explore the concept of Enjoyment a little more. As part of a relevant Work-Life Balance definition, enjoyment does not just mean "Ha-Ha" happiness. It means Pride, Satisfaction, Happiness, Celebration, Love, A Sense of Well Being …all the Joys of Living.

Achievement and Enjoyment are the front and back of the coin of value in life. You can't have one without the other, no more than you can have a coin with only one side. Trying to live a one sided life is why so many "Successful" people are not happy, or not nearly as happy as they should be.

You cannot get the full value from life without BOTH Achievement and Enjoyment. Focusing on Achievement and Enjoyment every day in life helps you avoid the "As Soon As Trap", the life dulling habit of planning on getting around to the joys of life and accomplishment "as soon as…."

My caffeine source and one of my little enjoyments is Diet Coke. And I'm a fussy Diet Coke drinker. I don't like cans or bottles, I like fountain. And there is a big difference in fountain drinks. So I know all the best fountains within a five-mile radius of my house and office. My favorite is a little convenience store near my home called Fitzgerald's.

Let's say I'm wandering into Fitzgerald's at 6 in the morning, in my pre-caffeinated state and the implausible happens. Some philosophical guy bumps into me, and says…. "Heh mister… what's your purpose in life?" Well even in that half-awake condition, I'd have an answer for him. I'd say, "You know, I just want to achieve something today and I want to enjoy something today. And if I do both of those things today, I'm going to have a pretty good day. And if I do both of those things every day, for the rest of my life… I'm going to have a pretty good life."

And I think that's true for all of us. Life will deliver the value and balance we desire …when we are achieving and enjoying something every single day…in all the important areas that make up our lives. As a result, a good working definition of Work-Life Balance is:

Meaningful daily Achievement and Enjoyment in each of my four life quadrants: Work, Family, Friends and Self.

Ask yourself now, when was the last time you Achieved AND Enjoyed something at work? What about Achieved AND Enjoyed with your family; your friends? And how recently have you Achieved AND Enjoyed something just for you?

Why not take 20 minutes on the way home from work and do something just for yourself? And when you get home, before you walk in the door, think about whether you want to focus on achieving or enjoying at home tonight. Then act accordingly when you do walk in the door.

At work you can create your own best Work-Life Balance by making sure you not only Achieve, but also reflect the joy of the job, and the joy of life, every day. If nobody pats you on the back today, pat yourself on the back. And help others to do the same. When you do, when you are a person that not only gets things done, but also enjoys the doing, it attracts people to you. They want you on their team and they want to be on your team.

Simple concepts. And once you focus on them as key components of your day, they are not that hard to implement. So, make it happen, for yourself, your family and all the important individuals you care about…every day for the rest of your life… Achieve and Enjoy.

Jim Bird, Publisher

In the next newsletter we will address the "how-to" side of this equation. (To view the Four Life Quadrants click here: The Big Picture)

©WorkLifeBalance.com 2003 - All

Quote for the Week

2005-12-05T11:02:00.000-08:00

A little late, but better than never, here's our quote for the week--

"Since you are only love, all you can offer is love. Since you are only light, all you can do is shine."
-Jacquelyn Aldana, author of The Fifteen Minute Miracle

Shine on!
Dr. Beata

What we focus on gets bigger

2005-12-02T12:21:00.000-08:00

I noticed that the past few days I've been a bit negative in my posts, pointing out problems and complaining about airline policy. That's not the primary tack I want our blog to take.

So today I am professing anew a commitment to focus on what is right with the world. If you want to see the practical difference this can make, try this little experiment from Jacquelyn Aldana's wonderful book, "The Fifteen Minute Miracle"--

Get a magnifying glass, a piece of paper, and a pencil.

On the paper, draw two equal size circles. In one circle, write "THINGS I WANT" and in the other circle write "THINGS I DON'T WANT."

Now, take the magnifying glass and hold it over the first circle. What happens? THINGS I WANT gets bigger. It expands because you are focused on it. Now hold the magnifyer over the other circle. What happens? THINGS I DON'T WANT becomes bigger when it is focused on.

So, which one do you want bigger in your life--things you want or things you don't want? Just focus on whichever one you prefer to have get bigger, have more of, and grow in your life. It is a law of the universe that what we focus on gets bigger.

That's why I'm going to make a concerted effort to focus our blog on what is right, so we get more of it.

Blog on!
Dr. Beata

Add joy to your holiday season

2005-12-01T08:39:00.000-08:00

Hi, this is Betsy Chapman. On the first of December, I like to remind everyone to take care of yourself especially well this month. It is so easy to lose track of you in your mad dash to make things nice for others. We buy gifts, prepare food, decorate, attend required events, and, in general, take care of everyone in our lives.

We do these things for many reasons...we want to continue family traditions...our children, partners, coworkers and others expect it...and, hopefully, we enjoy it.

Please keep the "joy" part in mind as you go through your paces this month. Slow down if you can, and maybe even pick and choose between activties to be sure you can keep the enjoyment part alive.

Plus, take a little time every day to appreciate and care for yourself. A few extra minutes in the shower, a manicure or massage, time with a good book or relaxed meal can make all the difference.

So many pressures, and so many images to live up to! Mixed messages galore. Take time to get clear and do the things that mean the most! Enjoy!!!

Warmest wishes for your wellbeing,

Betsy

Plane sense

2005-11-30T09:40:00.000-08:00

I travel a lot on business so I have occasion to think about what is happening with airline seats. They're making them smaller, it seems to me. And then people of size are being required to purchase two tickets. In some instances, this may be appropriate, but can't we find a way to do it that is more respectful of differences?

I have heard more than one fellow traveler say that they were confronted as they boarded the plane and told they would be required to purchase two seats. In each case, the traveler felt they had been embarrassed by the very company they were supporting with their ticket purchase. Is this how airlines want to treat their customers?

Maybe rather than confronting people as they show up we can have a way of knowing in advance that someone may need more space and ticketing them appropriately frmo the start? If we don't treat it like it's taboo, maybe we can build it into online reservations systems and so forth. I dont' know, but it seems worth a shot.

I also want everyone to know that if you are required to buy two airline seats because you are plus size, you are entitled to a full refund of the second seat if there is an unoccupied seat anywhere on your flight. So, look around and notice any empty seats as the plane takes off. If there is just one, no matter where, you can contact the airline and receive a full refund of the second seat you purchased.

Also, I wonder if airline personnel could just make seatbelt extenders readily available for customers who need them to take when they board, rather than having to ask for them. Just another thought about how to show respect for things their customers may be sensitive about. After all, we've given up all dignity and privacy in order to fly these days, so maybe our airlines can reach out and be even more respectful than they have in the past, making our flying experience more sensitive to our individual needs.

Big on Style offers lots of clothing and accessories that make travel easier. Most especially, we search for clothing that is lightweight, easy to pack and carry, and easy care. Our tencel and silks don't wrinkle much, are easy to get wrinkles out of when they do occur in transit, and especially the silks won't drive up the weight on your suitcase or hog precious suitcase space. Visit our website to see plus size designer fashions for career and special occasion that are easy on the suitcase, look fabulous, and are easy care.

Good luck out there in the wild blue yonder.
Dr. Beata

Family Guy exudes hate--aren't we past that yet?

2005-11-28T11:29:00.000-08:00

Last night's Family Guy was a dispicable display of hatred, discrimination, and false stereotypes about fat people. It left me thinking that we are truly the last group that it is perfectly okay to make fun of, put down, hate, and show in the most negative possible light. How terribly sad and hurtful to everyone, including people of size and our loved ones.

What would be really unusual, Family Guy, would be a model for how we can all love ourselves and each other completely and unconditionally as we are.

What makes it okay for people to spew hate and false stereotypes about us? WHAT MAKES THIS POSSIBLE IS OUR HATRED TOWARD OURSELVES. Our inability to love ourselves because of our body size is reverberated throughout our society.

When we love ourselves as we are, unconditionally, we will not stand for such negative presentations. When we truly love ourselves, WE WILL NOT TOLERATE SUCH DISPLAYS OF HATE. We will incite our loved ones to bombard such exhibitions with public outcry...and stop them post-haste. We will rise up and cause sponsors of such displays to pull out, not interested in losing the business of plus size people nationwide. We could force the advertisors and programmers to present us in a body positive, healthy way.

Let's make it so.
Dr. Beata

Love Your Body Day--Let's Make it Today

2005-11-27T07:22:00.000-08:00

This announcement is a direct quote from the Love Your Body Day website--click here to see more--http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org/index.html.

"Do you love what you see when you look in the mirror?"

"Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries work hard to make each of us believe that our bodies are unacceptable and need constant improvement. Print ads and television commercials reduce us to body parts — lips, legs, breasts — airbrushed and touched up to meet impossible standards. TV shows tell women and teenage girls that cosmetic surgery is good for self-esteem. Is it any wonder that more than 80% of fourth-grade girls have been on some form of fad diet?"

"Women and girls spend billions of dollars every year on cosmetics, fashion, magazines and diet aids. These industries can't use negative images to sell their products without our assistance.
Together, we can fight back."

"Love Your Body Day 2005 is [was] October 19"

At Big on Style, we work hard to create an environment that invites our customers to "Love your body!" Before we opened our store, we had a fung shui priest come and bless our business. She put a special blessing on our mirrors "Only Beauty Seen Here." In other words, our mirrors only reflect beauty. So, on the many occasions when a woman comes in telling us how much she can't stand her body and how "ugly" she is, we have her look in one of our mirrors. If she can see herself, we all know she is beautiful, no matter what the larger society's mirrors may be telling her.

Our mirrors cannot lie, their mirrors are very distorted.

In plus size fashions, our message is the opposite of most in the fashion industry. Their message is, "Make yourself fit this." And our message is, "If it doesn't fit, it's the clothes that are the problem, not your body. Your body is perfect just the way it is."

So go out and love your body today...and remember, Only Beauty Seen Here.

Dr. Beata

Quote for the Week

2005-11-26T20:40:00.000-08:00

"You're never anywhere until the slowest part of you gets there."

Blog in Style at Big on Style's Blog!

2005-11-25T16:23:00.000-08:00

Indulge me just for a moment. This is my very first post here on the Big on Style blog. Maybe we should call it **Blog on Style** to mark the occasion.

My question for this first Big on Style blog post is simple, Can we as women love our bodies as they are? And I mean that whether the rest of the world ever comes around to appreciating people for who they are rather than their body size. So, whether the rest of the world comes around, can you love your body just the way it is?

If so, what's your secret? Can you share it with the rest of us?

And if not, what gets in the way? What are the top three stoppers that get in the way of you loving your body just as it is? Name them. Help the rest of us name ours.

Because the fact is (here's the far flung facts part), if you love your body, it won't matter what size or shape it is, everyone else will love it, too. If you dress your body well and treat it like your best friend (after all, it is the vehicle of your spirit...the actual you), you will project that love and caring throughout your life. Others will respond. But most of all, you will know the truth of yourself--that you are perfect, beautiful, and strong just the way you are.

So go on, let us hear it...put in your two cents.

Dr. Beata