Weightism

I've been reading a book that has taken me in some unexpected directions. The book is The Solution by Laurel Mellin. In it, she talks extensively about weightism, which she defines as holding prejudices based solely on weight. That is, one has weightest thoughts if one sees someone who is large and immediately thinks that person is lazy. That's an obvious example, but of course it is usually much more subtle.

The most subtle form of weightism is the weightism we hold against ourselves. This is what Laruel Mellin advocates eliminating. We may not be able to singlehandedly cause the world to drop its weightism, but we can certainly work to eliminate our own. And in the process, we gain self-respect, self-esteem, and self-love. What's to lose?

So, here's what Mellin says:

"The differences between pencil-thin and more robust people are small in inconsequential, yet they've been distorted beyond reason in our culture because of two cultural obsessions: control and perfection. It's the fear in others of losing control and being imperfect that fans the flames of weightism. It is fear, not reality. For there are hundreds of studies comparing lean and overweight people and they show very small differences between the groups. What is the trugh about people with weight problems? The facts:

"On average, people with weight problems don't eat significantly more calories or burn off any fewer calories from exercise than normal-weight people.

"The subtle differences in eating patters and activity levels between overweight and lean people--overweight people eat more fat and exercise less intensely--are not moral or ethical issues.

"Weight has no effect whatsoever on a person's ability to take on the important roles in life: to be a good friend, a good parent, a good worker, or a good citizen."

We knew that. But I like the fact that Laurel Mellin addresses it head-on. The most interesting thing she says here, I think, is that it is fear in others of losing control or being imperfect that fuels the fan of weightism. That's probably what fuels our own weightism, too. And then there is plenty of support for us to hold the common view.

But we must drop our weightism. We must lose it. We must think uncommon thoughts--that we are beautiful, lovable, and complete just as we are. We must give ourselves what our society cannot--approval, love, acceptance, and nurturing. And unfortunately, we probably need to abandon any expectations that our culture will join us in doing so.

Keep telling yourself the truth. Tell yourself what you would tell a hurt child or your best friend if they were hurt by something someone said about them. Fight back! We owe it to ourselves.

Only beauty seen here-
Beata

Quote for the Week

I especially love this quote...

"What you fill your mind with, your life is full of." -Jacquelyn Aldana, author of The Fifteen Minute Miracle

"So," she advises, "be sure to fill your mind with only the things you really want."

Let's do it!
Dr. Beata

Farewell to Aunt Kitten

My Aunt Kitten died unexpectedly on Tuesday. She was the single most compassionate, kind, gentle, and authentic person I have ever known. She was selfless and seemed to have a bottomless capacity for acceptance of others. The constant stream of wayward souls who showed up at her doorstep are a testament to that, not one ever turned away without a full stomach and a full heart. Some of the more than 200 mourners at her funeral were just those souls.

My Aunt Kitten lived a simple life. She and her husband of 45 years worked every day of their lives. Yesterday at her funeral he remarked that she could make a home out of anywhere they lived. Not a week ago they had danced a waltz together and the song was played at the funeral. He held her hand through the whole thing, standing by the casket.

These people inspire me. Their love and devotion is an inspiration to all of us.

I will miss my Aunt Kitten deeply. I will think of her daily. I will aspire to emulate a tiny fraction of her way in the world. And I have the good great fortune of having been one of "hers," of the many"honeys" and "dears" she left in my ears. Fat or thin, rich or poor, stranger or friend, sinner or saint and all in between, I will remember her undaunted goodwill toward all. Love for her was not based on what you did or how you looked, it was given freely and in advance. She loved us the way we ought to love ourselves.

Goodbye, Aunt Kitten.

Beata

Achieve and Enjoy!

Here is a great little article on balance in life...what it is and how to know when you have it. Seems like something we can all take a few minutes to consider...

Work-Life Balance Defined - What it really means!

Despite the worldwide quest for Work-Life Balance, very few have found an acceptable definition of the concept. Here's a proven definition that will positively impact your everyday value and balance starting today. (Average reading time 120 seconds).

Let's first define what work-life balance is not.

Work-Life Balance does not mean an equal balance. Trying to schedule an equal number of hours for each of your various work and personal activities is usually unrewarding and unrealistic. Life is and should be more fluid than that.Your best individual work-life balance will vary over time, often on a daily basis. The right balance for you today will probably be different for you tomorrow. The right balance for you when you are single will be different when you marry, or if you have children; when you start a new career versus when you are nearing retirement.

There is no perfect, one-size fits all, balance you should be striving for. The best work-life balance is different for each of us because we all have different priorities and different lives.

However, at the core of an effective work-life balance definition are two key everyday concepts that are relevant to each of us. They are daily Achievement and Enjoyment, ideas almost deceptive in their simplicity.Engraining a fuller meaning of these two concepts takes us most of the way to defining a positive Work-Life Balance. Achievement and Enjoyment answer the big question "Why?" Why do you want a better income…a new house…the kids through college…to do a good job today…to come to work at all?

Most of us already have a good grasp on the meaning of Achievement. But let's explore the concept of Enjoyment a little more. As part of a relevant Work-Life Balance definition, enjoyment does not just mean "Ha-Ha" happiness. It means Pride, Satisfaction, Happiness, Celebration, Love, A Sense of Well Being …all the Joys of Living.

Achievement and Enjoyment are the front and back of the coin of value in life. You can't have one without the other, no more than you can have a coin with only one side. Trying to live a one sided life is why so many "Successful" people are not happy, or not nearly as happy as they should be.

You cannot get the full value from life without BOTH Achievement and Enjoyment. Focusing on Achievement and Enjoyment every day in life helps you avoid the "As Soon As Trap", the life dulling habit of planning on getting around to the joys of life and accomplishment "as soon as…."

My caffeine source and one of my little enjoyments is Diet Coke. And I'm a fussy Diet Coke drinker. I don't like cans or bottles, I like fountain. And there is a big difference in fountain drinks. So I know all the best fountains within a five-mile radius of my house and office. My favorite is a little convenience store near my home called Fitzgerald's.

Let's say I'm wandering into Fitzgerald's at 6 in the morning, in my pre-caffeinated state and the implausible happens. Some philosophical guy bumps into me, and says…. "Heh mister… what's your purpose in life?" Well even in that half-awake condition, I'd have an answer for him. I'd say, "You know, I just want to achieve something today and I want to enjoy something today. And if I do both of those things today, I'm going to have a pretty good day. And if I do both of those things every day, for the rest of my life… I'm going to have a pretty good life."

And I think that's true for all of us. Life will deliver the value and balance we desire …when we are achieving and enjoying something every single day…in all the important areas that make up our lives. As a result, a good working definition of Work-Life Balance is:

Meaningful daily Achievement and Enjoyment in each of my four life quadrants: Work, Family, Friends and Self.

Ask yourself now, when was the last time you Achieved AND Enjoyed something at work? What about Achieved AND Enjoyed with your family; your friends? And how recently have you Achieved AND Enjoyed something just for you?

Why not take 20 minutes on the way home from work and do something just for yourself? And when you get home, before you walk in the door, think about whether you want to focus on achieving or enjoying at home tonight. Then act accordingly when you do walk in the door.

At work you can create your own best Work-Life Balance by making sure you not only Achieve, but also reflect the joy of the job, and the joy of life, every day. If nobody pats you on the back today, pat yourself on the back. And help others to do the same. When you do, when you are a person that not only gets things done, but also enjoys the doing, it attracts people to you. They want you on their team and they want to be on your team.

Simple concepts. And once you focus on them as key components of your day, they are not that hard to implement. So, make it happen, for yourself, your family and all the important individuals you care about…every day for the rest of your life… Achieve and Enjoy.

Jim Bird, Publisher

In the next newsletter we will address the "how-to" side of this equation. (To view the Four Life Quadrants click here: The Big Picture)

©WorkLifeBalance.com 2003 - All

Quote for the Week

A little late, but better than never, here's our quote for the week--

"Since you are only love, all you can offer is love. Since you are only light, all you can do is shine."
-Jacquelyn Aldana, author of The Fifteen Minute Miracle

Shine on!
Dr. Beata

What we focus on gets bigger

I noticed that the past few days I've been a bit negative in my posts, pointing out problems and complaining about airline policy. That's not the primary tack I want our blog to take.

So today I am professing anew a commitment to focus on what is right with the world. If you want to see the practical difference this can make, try this little experiment from Jacquelyn Aldana's wonderful book, "The Fifteen Minute Miracle"--

Get a magnifying glass, a piece of paper, and a pencil.

On the paper, draw two equal size circles. In one circle, write "THINGS I WANT" and in the other circle write "THINGS I DON'T WANT."

Now, take the magnifying glass and hold it over the first circle. What happens? THINGS I WANT gets bigger. It expands because you are focused on it. Now hold the magnifyer over the other circle. What happens? THINGS I DON'T WANT becomes bigger when it is focused on.

So, which one do you want bigger in your life--things you want or things you don't want? Just focus on whichever one you prefer to have get bigger, have more of, and grow in your life. It is a law of the universe that what we focus on gets bigger.

That's why I'm going to make a concerted effort to focus our blog on what is right, so we get more of it.

Blog on!
Dr. Beata

Add joy to your holiday season

Hi, this is Betsy Chapman. On the first of December, I like to remind everyone to take care of yourself especially well this month. It is so easy to lose track of you in your mad dash to make things nice for others. We buy gifts, prepare food, decorate, attend required events, and, in general, take care of everyone in our lives.

We do these things for many reasons...we want to continue family traditions...our children, partners, coworkers and others expect it...and, hopefully, we enjoy it.

Please keep the "joy" part in mind as you go through your paces this month. Slow down if you can, and maybe even pick and choose between activties to be sure you can keep the enjoyment part alive.

Plus, take a little time every day to appreciate and care for yourself. A few extra minutes in the shower, a manicure or massage, time with a good book or relaxed meal can make all the difference.

So many pressures, and so many images to live up to! Mixed messages galore. Take time to get clear and do the things that mean the most! Enjoy!!!

Warmest wishes for your wellbeing,

Betsy