LIVING THE WARRIOR’S LIFE

Society’s blatant expressions of stereotyping, negativity, hatred, and open disparagement of people of size is the last acceptable form of bigotry. If you replaced the word “fat” or “obese” in people’s commentary and jokes with the word “black” or “short,” there would be public outcry. Why people think it is okay to put large people down and denigrate us escapes me, as if we have no feelings and or are not capable of understanding the insults being thrown. What I do know is that we are responsible for our behavior; they are responsible for theirs. Our job is to do what we must to keep ourselves healthy and strong, feeling empowered, safe, and robust.

It might be said that being a plus size woman requires a special brand of courage, one where just to be brave in the face of the continuous onslaught of bigotry and hatred is a warrior’s act. Like the cowardly lion, we sometimes think we don’t have enough courage to face it all again and still love ourselves, because for the plus size woman, loving herself is a private act of courage moment-by-moment.

It takes a lot of stamina to maintain that kind of courage day in and day out. It takes the endurance of a warrior. We get that endurance, that stamina, from self-care and comfort. When we renew ourselves, each and every day consciously renew ourselves, we pay attention to the most basic and elemental part of ourselves, our bodies and our spirits.

When we are renewed, we are full. When we are full, we are available for the rest of our lives. That is why making self-care and comfort a top priority is so very important to a life of mastery.

Renew yourself today!
Dr. Beata

Is it my imagination?

Ladies...

I'm feeling pretty inundated lately by all the media about obese children, all the fear hype about health, and the negative social commentary that seems to be increasing in intensity and frequency as time goes on. Am I losing my mind, or is it getting louder, more obnoxious, and more blatently hateful and judgemental?

Last week I was in LA working, as usual. Driving near LAX, there was a billboard with a picture of John Candy smiling. Beautiful. The billboard said, "IT WASN'T ALL HIS FAULT..." and is an ad for medical treatment of addiction. How sad, using the image of a beautiful man to denigrate his life. I think it diminishes him, and us.

What do you think?

Dr. Beata

The many mes in my closet...

Can't figure out how to comment on my own blog...so am publishing a new post to get in on the conversation.

What I'm hearing you say is "to each her own." Every woman finds her own style and it is a personal matter. But what of fad? Trend? The latest thing? Don't we want that, too?

Style is ever-changing, even within each individual woman. Look in your closet, ladies. Is there just one style there? Aren't there many different possible "yous" in there? So, one time you want the sexy, curvy top with jeans you can feel all the way down. Then another time (maybe even the same day), you want the long, flowing top that covers all those places and straight-leg pants to deemphasize those hips. Many potential yous.

Working to accomodate all your yous is what we do at Big on Style. If you think of our store as your closet, you can imagine a 1000 square foot walk-in for Santa Cruz county and beyond. That's a lot of women sharing the closet, and as big as 1000 square feet sounds, you can imagine it is no small challenge to have something in that closet for everyone. But that's what we try to do. We want you to be able to find your personal style, and the many variations of that style, and live comfortably and beautifully ever after.

I'd like to hear your thoughts about the yous you find in your closet. Are there any you wish were there but find missing? Any looks or feels you long for in your clothes but don't find there? As far as you are concerned, what is missing in the generously sized market? Anything you especially like? Any new goings on we should all know about in your fashion world?

Thanks for making this a conversation.
Dr. Beata

Flaunt What You've Got!

Okay, it's taken me several months to make this post, admittedly too long.

I'd like to start a conversation with you about new trends in plus size clothing. Some new things seem to be happening, and you might be able to shed light on whether my perceptions are accurate.

What I am seeing is that plus size women today want to show more of their curves than ever before. I am sensing a new body pride, an exciting trend toward more tailored clothes, more form-fitting apparel that shows off what a woman has rather than trying to hide her shape.

This development, if my perceptions are accurate, is thrilling to us at Big on Style. It signals to us a new body pride, a developing love of self in our customers. Ladies, we are beautiful and the world should know that! The standard of beauty in our society needs to broaden to include all kinds of bodies, all kinds of beauty.

Do you agree that this trend is happening? Are you part of this trend? How do you feel about clothing that shows your beautiful curves? Are you looking for more of that now? We'd love to converse with you about this...let us know what you think.

Meanwhile...flaunt what you've got!
Dr. Beata

Feminine and Masculine

I've been wandering through some of the wrtings of Charlotte Perkins Gilman lately. She was a very interesting writer and, for her age, way out there! Talk about far flung!

In the introduction to Gilman's book "Herland," Ann J. Lane writes that Gilman believed that, "What we call masculine traits are simply human traits, which have been denied to women and are thereby assumed to belong to men: traits such as courage, strength, creativity, generosity, and integrity."

We've all seen the comparisons of "masculine" and "feminine" acceptability that show, "He is assertive, she is aggressive; he is strong, she is overpowering, and so forth. Culture decides what traits are acceptable for whom and what behaviors will be tolerated or rewarded in men and women. "The most important fact about the sexes, men and women, is the common humanity we share, not the differences that distinguish us, Gilman said repeatedly."

Isn't that the truth of the matter? We find so many ways to divide each other, to emphasize our differences, partly because the human mind seeks interest, and difference is interesting. But if we instead emphasize our sameness...focus on them majority of ways in which we are similar... we might find common ground. And if we found common ground, allowing each other the full array of expression of personal traits, we would be downright dangerous to the status quo.

This morning on the Today Show, it was said that a new poll was done showing that people's attitudes toward fat people are changing. It said that in the last poll of 1995, 55% of people responding said they find fat people less attractive. In 2005, that percentage fell to 27%. That's pretty good. Maybe we should celebrate.

Beata

Weightism

I've been reading a book that has taken me in some unexpected directions. The book is The Solution by Laurel Mellin. In it, she talks extensively about weightism, which she defines as holding prejudices based solely on weight. That is, one has weightest thoughts if one sees someone who is large and immediately thinks that person is lazy. That's an obvious example, but of course it is usually much more subtle.

The most subtle form of weightism is the weightism we hold against ourselves. This is what Laruel Mellin advocates eliminating. We may not be able to singlehandedly cause the world to drop its weightism, but we can certainly work to eliminate our own. And in the process, we gain self-respect, self-esteem, and self-love. What's to lose?

So, here's what Mellin says:

"The differences between pencil-thin and more robust people are small in inconsequential, yet they've been distorted beyond reason in our culture because of two cultural obsessions: control and perfection. It's the fear in others of losing control and being imperfect that fans the flames of weightism. It is fear, not reality. For there are hundreds of studies comparing lean and overweight people and they show very small differences between the groups. What is the trugh about people with weight problems? The facts:

"On average, people with weight problems don't eat significantly more calories or burn off any fewer calories from exercise than normal-weight people.

"The subtle differences in eating patters and activity levels between overweight and lean people--overweight people eat more fat and exercise less intensely--are not moral or ethical issues.

"Weight has no effect whatsoever on a person's ability to take on the important roles in life: to be a good friend, a good parent, a good worker, or a good citizen."

We knew that. But I like the fact that Laurel Mellin addresses it head-on. The most interesting thing she says here, I think, is that it is fear in others of losing control or being imperfect that fuels the fan of weightism. That's probably what fuels our own weightism, too. And then there is plenty of support for us to hold the common view.

But we must drop our weightism. We must lose it. We must think uncommon thoughts--that we are beautiful, lovable, and complete just as we are. We must give ourselves what our society cannot--approval, love, acceptance, and nurturing. And unfortunately, we probably need to abandon any expectations that our culture will join us in doing so.

Keep telling yourself the truth. Tell yourself what you would tell a hurt child or your best friend if they were hurt by something someone said about them. Fight back! We owe it to ourselves.

Only beauty seen here-
Beata

Quote for the Week

I especially love this quote...

"What you fill your mind with, your life is full of." -Jacquelyn Aldana, author of The Fifteen Minute Miracle

"So," she advises, "be sure to fill your mind with only the things you really want."

Let's do it!
Dr. Beata